You've improved
How are you feeling?
You need to post up and stop standing around.
Did you make a truck payment?
Would you do chores?
Go shut off the fence.
Would you go grab a bag of pellets?
Put my sock on for me would you?
What is wrong with you?
Smarten up!
What the fuck is your problem?
Are you mad at us?
What did we do?
I'm proud of you, great job.
Woah. I really like the end of this. It's a good twist. Funny how he makes you put his sicks on. And he would be worried about "Big Black" You work hard for him. We are proud of yoou!
ReplyDeleteGreat voice in your piece Bryce! :) I enjoyed the twist at the end. I could picture you running around everywhere trying to get everything done, and also getting frustrated with him always asking you to do something. Great imagery and contrast! Keep up the great work! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat twist. There is so much voice in the piece too. I got a great image of the conversation Good word choices. I like it :)
ReplyDeleteSo much voice in your piece. I can picture you trying to do everything and getting mad at him. Get imagery! Love the twist at the end.
ReplyDeletesometimes you just gotta take the shots, to get the respect you deserve for the hard work you put in. nice (poem?)
ReplyDeleteI really like this poem. I like how it's set up to be more negative in the beginning and then a twist of happiness in the end. I noticed a lot of peoples are set up like this but there is something about yours that seems more unique and different.
ReplyDelete